March 8th - Taking Down the Streamers (Birthdays and Sugar)

So, yep, I’ve made it another time around the sun.  34 years on this earth.  Wow. 

Birthdays aren’t birthdays without sugar treats right?  As my daughter said, after I thanked her for a nice birthday when I tucked her in, “Mom, you did not open one present or blow out one candle.”  As if to say, “Surely, you did not have a good birthday.”

Surely a birthday without a cake does not a birthday make.

It was rough in places, I’ll admit.  I made the puppy chow for hubby the day before my birthday.  Didn’t even lick my fingers with the melted chocolate on them.  Didn’t sample either.  Edwardian self-control, I know!  Because puppy chow draws me as severely as Bella’s blood drew him.  Seriously.

Then it was my birthday.  My Day.  And I made apple crisp cake for hubby’s work.  I tell you what, the self-pity came crashing down when I wanted to lick the spoon. 

Then my baby started puking again.  And my friend showed up with cupcakes.

Still doing good.  Still in control.  Fought against the self-pity, resolved that My day could still be great without sugar.  Made my banana ice cream treat.  Happily ate that.

Then, hubby came home from work.  With left over puppy chow.  Really.

So, here’s my confession.  I ate about ten pieces of puppy chow as I froze the rest.

And I consider that a victory.  And this is why:

1. I was propositioned with giving up sugar the day before it began, spur of the moment.  This wasn’t anything I felt convicted about, other than I needed to start something, somewhere.  I am still committed to the plan, even after this “cheat.”  But I don’t feel as if I’ve sinned in my eating of puppy chow.

2. I only ate a small, appropriate amount, as per what I’ve been being taught through God’s Word and leading.  Puppy chow and sugar aren’t innately evil or sinful.  They are just not everyday food (so it being in my freezer is just an extra test) nor are they to be a substitute for His comfort (when the little one is puking her guts out and needy) nor are they to be eaten riotously (as in the whole container, which would be gone under normal circumstances.  I like it that much.)  I ate a little, then put it away, content with that amount, and enjoyed the lovely, sweet, crunch.

Confession #2:  I also accidentally ate banana pudding with vanilla wafers.  That’s because it was on the salad bar and it didn’t even occur to me until it was consumed it was a sugar food.  I was avoiding the dessert bar, obviously.  So I was a little shocked at myself when it dawned on me.

And the thing is, of the entire salad bar and buffet and grilled shrimp, that stinking banana pudding tasted the best out of all the other bits I consumed.  I imagine because of the fast from sugar I’d been on.  But even so, I wasn’t drawn or tempted to fill a plate of it.  Again, it was enjoyed without guilt, without gluttony, and without over-doing it.

I even left the buffet with my pants buttoned.  Seriously.  Applaud people.

I am learning a new way of consuming food.  It’s interesting to learn, and I am anxious to keep learning, but to also walk in what I learn, and not leave it as head knowledge only.  I am excited to practice this new knowledge.  To stand my ground, and not back down. 

Welcome to my new relationship with food. 

If you have any input, anyone, I’d love to hear it and have a conversation about what I’m learning.  If you have trouble commenting, let me know via email or whatever.  I don’t know what I’m doing, newbie blogger, but I think I’ve adjusted settings so people can easily comment.